When do I start living my life?  The life I like to believe I am called to live.  A call that is an echo from before I was born yet I am just now awakening too.  A call that I cannot discern, yet.  Possibly a call that I may never discern.  Am I to wait until I understand it fully or am I to begin making steps towards it without further clarity? My life is specified. How do I break free of the daily program and begin to live my own paradigm? What is the first step? I am so frustrated and disappointed with myself for being locked in a do-loop which in actuality is equivalent to being frozen in time. It was 21 deg this morning.  The morning was crisp, fresh and clear. It invited me to step out in a different way yet I succumbed to the usual Monday routine just as I have these prior days, weeks, months, years.  What is my barrier of entry? What is my hurdle?  Is it fear? Is it indecision? Is it capability? Is it myself?  Am I just fooling myself that there is more than what I am living right now? Am I too presumptuous or greedy to think my life is more than what I am experiencing now?  The Buddhist teachings I am reading of late would suggest that I am overreaching and that the mystery and purpose is BEING in the here and now, regardless of the specifics.