When do I start living my life?  The life I like to believe I am called to live.  A call that is an echo from before I was born yet I am just now awakening too.  A call that I cannot discern, yet.  Possibly a call that I may never discern.  Am I to wait until I understand it fully or am I to begin making steps towards it without further clarity? My life is specified. How do I break free of the daily program and begin to live my own paradigm? What is the first step? I am so frustrated and disappointed with myself for being locked in a do-loop which in actuality is equivalent to being frozen in time. It was 21 deg this morning.  The morning was crisp, fresh and clear. It invited me to step out in a different way yet I succumbed to the usual Monday routine just as I have these prior days, weeks, months, years.  What is my barrier of entry? What is my hurdle?  Is it fear? Is it indecision? Is it capability? Is it myself?  Am I just fooling myself that there is more than what I am living right now? Am I too presumptuous or greedy to think my life is more than what I am experiencing now?  The Buddhist teachings I am reading of late would suggest that I am overreaching and that the mystery and purpose is BEING in the here and now, regardless of the specifics.  

Rooted

Teachings from a Tree by Laura King

You are rooted.
You grow despite the elements.
You sway when the wind blows.
You are calm despite the forces bearing down.
You return to your center.

You are sanctuary to the birds and the squirrels.
You are shade to the warm passerby.
You are break when the storms blow through.
You blossom and bloom lifting onlookers from winter into spring.
You return each year, each season.
You are predictable, reliable.

You inspire.
You are unassuming yet magnificent with a glorious reach to the above and a firm grip below.
You have a firm far reach into the rocky soil.
You are directional and determined to reach to the sky, the sun, the stars.
You know your purpose, your call.
It must be that simple.

Make it stop!

Feeling divided and that's division by more than two. Lots of tasks tug, loom, pull and weigh on me.  They have a life of their own seeking me out in the early dawn, haunting me in my dreams or flagging me down as I walk by the scattered "to do" piles.   The technology lures of today only make this worse. My mind is always moving, chatting, "ideating", analyzing - MAKE IT STOP!  Well maybe we shouldn't take it that far.  But what is one to do?

I want an algorithm that elegantly solves the equation of my life or at least my present problem statement.  I want to know where to focus my energies and where to not waste a nanosecond of my mind-share. I believe there is convergence, resonance and an elegant solution to be found for each one of us if we only could separate the noise from the signal of our unique human experience.

source: http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/ap130607.html  

Today there is more noise than ever and quiet solitude is a rarity.  Our human consciousness is heavy in the head and nearly nonexistent in the body and heart.   I am constantly thinking, judging, weighing rather than feeling, perceiving and experiencing.  I credit this to early philosophers & theologians who steered man toward intellectualized thinking which conceived ego, dogma, duality and ultimately a western Christian judgmental mindset that separates and distills God from its creation.  God above. Sinner below. God as judge. Man needing redemption.  Man needing to prove his worthiness. Man needing "to do".  No wonder my life is chaotic, anxious, out of step, foggy; no wonder it feels like an unsolvable equation.  I have been separated from the divine, the sacred, the source, the miracle.

I need to go back to the basics before duality took hold and the ego became inflated.  I need to stop feeding my ego which drives my compulsion to achieve, achieve, achieve.  I need to stop believing that productivity makes me worthy.  Settle down. Chill. Listen. Feel. Quiet my ego. Embrace my singular insignificance in this grand universe. It IS NOT about ME, my separateness nor my need for redemption.  It IS about the ALL.  ALL is one. ALL is connected. ALL is whole.  ALL is included.  No need to sort, separate, shed.  That is just a lot of damn work!

Source: http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/ap140301.html

Instead embrace the ALL and my connection with it.  Like a star within the cosmos let go and shine, participating in the greater unfolding of the universe. Today I choose to be more present in my body and more open with my heart, to feel and live my experience of being connected with this great mystical body and to express my unique melody within the infinite and expanding universal symphony.  This is what the mystics and Buddhists invite. This is what the cosmos suggests.  Possibly with this more holistic perspective the compulsion and lure of "the to do" cluttering my mind and time will fall away with the ego and the wisdom that I am connected with the sacred, the divine, the creator, the ALL will take hold ushering in the calm, quiet, clarity, convergence I seek - an elegant equation that shapes my days and presence.

Time to try this thing

Incubation. Why rush these things?  I created this blog two years ago then did nothing. I recently discovered a blog site of my daughters best friend,jenajustbecause.  I wrote a reply and it prompted me for my website or blog. Yikes! My blog is empty!  So here I am.

Why Seeking? After a number of years of a more dedicated study of my religion, other religions, writings of saints, mystics, philosophers, scientists and poets I have concluded its not the WHAT anymore that matters NOR is it the HOW. What matters is that we are SEEKING as we journey through our life, seeking an understanding of that outside and greater than ourselves.  Our journey is a microcosm of evolution. We are evolving each and every moment as we move through this greatest gift called life.  And in doing so we participate in the magnificent process of evolution - the continuous unfolding of creation.

Our part begins with a sacred breath - immediately we awaken and the clock begins.  Our time may be short or it may be long. Regardless it is a gift. We can choose to be grateful and recognize the sacredness of what we have been given. I am seeking to discover what lies within my gift and how it connects with all that is around me.  Each gift of life is unique and can only be opened by the receiver.  Each of us has a truth to be awakened to, to be lived and to be shared.  We are not to live the truth of another.  That is too convenient and is cowardly.  We need courage to seek the creation that lies within ourselves and bring it forward.  We need to respect and connect with the truths of others but not be afraid that they differ from our own.  All truths expressed make us whole and connected.